Is Jalen Rose serious?

Phoenix or Miami...Phoenix or Miami...Miami or Phoenix...

C'mon Jalen, PICK ALREADY!

The choice is obvious - MIAMI!

Micheal Finley made this same mistake last year - don't you go and repeat it. Miami is the team, the place, the time. It is the sizzle in the steak, the umbrella in the pina colada. Sure, they took a butt whoopin on their season opener, but their arms were tired from trying to hold up those big ol' championship rings!

In fact, some of the Heat players complained that they couldn't see for the first half, the bling from their rings was so great it actually scolded their retinas!

So weary-armed and bleary-eyed, they took the court against a young and hungry Bulls team that was being pushed by ultra-competitive, inferior complexed and short-man syndromed Scott Skiles.

It was a recipe for disaster.

But don't think for a second that Miami has a lesser chance of contending than Phoenix. Miami has the best player in the game in Wade, and still has a two-headed dominating beast at center with Shaq and Zo. They have hall of famer Gary Payton, who can teach you a thing or two about talking trash. They have one of the hardest working big men in Udonis Haslem. They have the offensive firepower of the erratic Antoine Walker. The defense and shooting of James Posey. The magic of a healthy Jason Williams - probably the most important piece to this team's success after Wade and Shaq.

Your numbers may not improve in terms of scoring, but your efficiency will. Phoenix cannot make either guarantee. Playing with Shaq, you will have more real estate to work with than Donald Trump. Just ask #3.

You also benefit from having one of the greatest basketball minds on your bench in Pat Riley. Shaq said he would not play for anyone else at this stage of his career. And he has won, what, 4 championships now?

How many Finals appearances does Shaq have again?

And the entire Suns team?

Yeah, you think about it - as if there is anything to think about. In the meantime, I will bring the sunscreen and will be waiting for you in the Coconut Grove.